I just turned 50 in September of 2017, this came as a complete shock to the system. They say age is just a number, but the Big 5-0 does not seem like “just a number.”
I began my new journey to a healthier lifestyle, not by choice, but by necessity. In July of 2017 I was visiting a friend in DC who is bravely fighting Cancer. I drank too much one evening, stood up and passed out, hitting a table and the ground with my face and woke up in the hospital. Sadly, this is not the first time that this has happened. I was first admitted, via ambulance just one-year earlier with the same problem. The alcohol in my system, along with my medications, caused my blood pressure to dangerously drop. Both times I was complete incoherent until several hours later in a hospital bed.
That was a wake-up call, but the changes did not happen overnight. The doctors told me I had to completely stop drinking, I agreed and when released went back to Denver to begin. It did not last long, I craved the alcohol and started to hide it around the house. I would go on 2-3-day binges, since I was not working, this was easy to do first thing in the morning and continue throughout the day.
What I did not expect was the internal guilt that I got at night, my heart would race and my mind was all over the place. I would think about dying too early from liver disease or something else. I thought about my wife, and my girls, and how they would get along without me. Some nights I would not get to sleep at all and would just lie on the couch until it was time to get the girls ready for school.
I kept thinking about my cousin’s husband, who went through something similar. He would drink all day and would even drink while getting his girls ready for school- and they noticed-just like I am sure my girls did. Sadly, he could not take letting them down, he had other demons as well, and committed suicide. I think back on his fears of letting his girls down by drinking, and in the end, he let them down in a worse way. At his funeral, I was standing next to Jessica and the girls, and his youngest, at just three years old, started to yell, as the hearse left the parking lot, “that’s my Daddy in there!” That, I can tell you, will be with me forever.
I decided to try to make a change, I completely stopped drinking, but that only lasted about 30 days. I had gone in for some blood work to see if I had made progress. The doctor told me that all my levels were better and that I was doing the right thing. I celebrated the news by going out and buying another bottle of liquor. That was around Halloween 2017 and on the night of Halloween itself, my wife came home with the girls and found me passed out on the sofa, at 7 pm!
Since then I have had similar “slips” in my recovery, there are certain times and places that make me want to drink, but since that week in July, each slip has made me stronger, and has pointed out what I need to keep a watch on. Trigger points, as some would say. I feel I am doing better now and don’t get the cravings as much. But it has not even been a year yet. I am about 60 days in being sober, and I feel great about it. I have started a workout program and have continued my Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) routine.
Most recently, I have started up meditation and I feel that is working out well for me.
As for “my story,” I am still writing that. I plan on using this blog to detail my failings and my victories. I will continue to try to make my body and mind stronger with daily routines that will help shape me into the person I have always wanted to be.
I will keep updating this story, and hopefully, I be here for a lot longer. Both for myself and my family.
Shoot me an email at ur50now@gmail.com if you have a similar story, or just want to chat about life.
Lastly, here are some quotes I am pondering with this story:
1) Always do what you are afraid to do. (1841) —Ralph Waldo Emerson
2) Do something every day that you don’t want to do, (1897) —Mark Twain
3) You must do the thing you think you cannot do. (1960) —Eleanor Roosevelt
4) Do one thing every day that scares you. (1997) —Mary Schmich
Thanks
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 Story – A Cautionary Tale){kind=link}